Liftoff....

Okay, so after a lot of searching my heart -- and my mind -- for whether or not this blogging thing is for me, I feel I had a breakthrough (not a breakout, luckily for my face) today when it just felt like the Lord was speaking the title of the blog to me. Now, I'm taking this for what it seemed to me at the time....a message from Him....we're hoping that this is not just some subconscious regurgitation of something that I've heard elsewhere coming back up now to deceive me. Then again, taking things for their face value is not necessarily interesting reading for those of you who may check in here to see what I've been up to....so we'll try to keep that to a minimal.

I am having a day....I'm doing spontaneous word association for some reason. Breakthrough...breakout...face....face value...Proactiv....Proactive. Now that is a word for the wise...proactive. Let me count the ways I relate to and want to resemble this word! Not the least of which is keeping my zits in check, let me just begin by saying! (I think any of you girls can understand.) However, in my life overall, proactivity equates to organization which in turn equates to a much, much more soothing and tranquil existence. And let me tell you, after the chaos that is my life sometimes, I am SO all about peace....serenity....tranquility. All of which then equate to low blood pressure and good sleep. And have I mentioned lately how much I love my sleep?! Anyhoo....my life as a proactive being: I am being proactive when I prepare for dinner in the morning instead of at 6 p.m.....I am being proactive when I keep up on Mt. St. Laundry instead of letting it erupt out of my bathroom....I am being proactive when I stick to my budget instead of walking through Costco and Target with what feel like magnetic shopping carts, attracting everything they pass by...I am being proactive when I prepare for going to church by praying beforehand that He will lead the way for us to make it there in a timely and loving manner...I am being proactive when I pray for my husband as I go to sleep so that the coming day and his commute could/would/should go that much more smoothly....I am being proactive when I take the time to speak kindly to my children instead of losing my temper and shouting when life goes awry....I am being proactive when I decide that the upkeep and maintenance of our lives shouldn't take up all of every day....we should still be able to have time to LIVE and to enjoy each other. And so, finally....(realization dawning....sunrise pictured in background of thought) I guess being proactive to me, sometimes means letting go of all the small stuff -- and isn't that what all the other stuff really is? God...family....love. That's what my bottom line should be. Wanting an organized life....an organized mind....not to mentioned organized cabinets and drawers (remembering another blog post I read recently)...all of that is fine and good, but I need to be proactive where it counts and keep my focus on the goal, right? Eternal proactivity is going to be a lot more rewarding --- for me and for my family --- say in about oh, 2000 years, than the most organized meal-planner, bargain shopper, and laundry zealot known to man.

Okay, so the dawning of the age of awareness (or should that be wariness?) has begun....how to implement said enlightenment into my life? Because just letting it all go....is SO not my specialty. I'm thinking this through as I type, so bear with me. I'm the queen of planning, the queen of make-it-happen....not so good at leaving things to chance. Oh....okay, I see God's sense of humor here....can you see it? Or have you known all along and are just patiently waiting for me to catch up? This is His challenge to me....to trust Him...to let Him take care of it. Well, He probably won't be visiting this week to help me catch up on the laundry, but I get it. I love that I'm learning a lesson while just trying to be obedient and follow His lead. So, here we go.......I will try to get all my maintenance and organization "stuff" done in the first two days of the week (Monday and Tuesday)....the rest of the week, I will focus on schoolwork for Becca and Braden and spending quality time with all of the kids...and with God. The weekends, well....we're good at letting God lead us wherever He decides on the weekends, but I will vow that I'll try to get all the shopping/maintenance/organization stuff done either in the early morning hours of the weekend (you have to be aware, now, that this is my sacrifice....I'm giving up my sleeping in for the sake of obedience!) or after the kids are in bed. That way, the majority of the days are open for whatever needs to happen for the family. Okay, that sounds like a plan. Of course, as we've all heard, good intentions paved the road to he**. But we're hoping and praying that isn't the case here. A little awareness...as well as a little wariness!...can only be a good thing. In life and in cyberspace. And now, I shall close this posting out as my time for ranting has officially run out....not that my mind has run out of rants, mind you. But we'll save those for next time. (Maybe I should have entitled the blog The Mindless Rantings of an Overextended Perfectionist???) Never mind. If I don't cut myself off now, I never will. Houston....we have liftoff.