Life is hard. But God is good.

Life is also unfair...but given that we live in a fallen world, I guess I should expect it. Somehow, it never fails to surprise me, though.

I have spent the past few days trying to ground myself in prayer and in God's Word and failing miserably. Don't get me wrong...I had moments of success, but they were few and far between. I spent these days allowing -- unwittingly at times and knowingly in others -- the enemy to wreak havoc in my life and my heart. Days that I can't get back now and words that I can't retract.

But I think I may perhaps have gained a little bit of wisdom through this wreck of a weekend and so can say this: I cannot allow nasty, bitter people to insinuate their nastiness into my spirit. It doesn't matter how much of God that I put in if a little bit of that "stuff" can wipe it all out in only a few hours of reliving my childhood. All of the insecurity that I carried because of it...all of the pain and resentments that I thought that were gone...they came flooding back from some hidden well of infection that had been festering unbeknownst to me. Either that or the new wound festered really quickly and efficiently. Perhaps it was both.

Regardless...I have to be more careful. I have to protect my spirit man from these attacks. If that means that I can't be in touch with the person in question any more, then I guess that is what I will have to do. I hate the idea of it, but I think that the repurcussions are too far-reaching to take the risk of letting this person have such a powerful effect on my life and the lives of those around me. I don't want to perpetuate nastiness, pain and bitterness. And that's just what happened. I won't ever stop praying for the person because God is forever faithful and I know that change can happen through Him. But I can't allow the person's attitudes affect me...to infect me. No spiritual swine flu for me!

When life's circumstances squeeze me, I want to spurt out the affirmations of God. I don't want to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. God has been so faithful to me...I want that to be the legacy that I leave. Not like those who have hurt me and leave me to deal with the pain and negativity in their wake. The fruit will determine where our roots were planted...I have to choose to be solid and to grow fruit that is sweet and plentiful. I want to have deep roots and full, thriving branches -- proof that I'm being quenched by the Living Water. I don't want to be withered and dry...easily burnt, easily blown away or quickly eroded by the lies and tactics of the enemy.

I guess the bottom line is that we live in a world of polar opposites. The Earth has a North and a South Pole....land and water. Magnets have a positive and negative end. We can choose ketchup or mustard for our hot dogs. Peanut Butter and bananas or peanut butter and jelly? And the biggest set: The devil is bad and God is Good. But what I need to remember is that we do not have to willingly be taken captive by the enemy -- we can take a stand and we can refuse to be caught between the rock and the harder place. We can jump up on that rock and claim authority. We HAVE to fight the good fight. And we have to remember that love and kindness will win a lot more souls -- and friends -- than bitterness, insecurity and anger.

If people could look in me and see my spirit man today, they'd see someone who is battered and bruised....much like the little girl used to be. But they'd also see that spirit man smiling and giving thanks -- because 'he' knows that she's been forgiven and that God loves her anyway. And that's the lesson, folks, Life is hard. But Love always wins.