The Justice League...and the cyclical craziness of life

I've had serious bloggers block for a while now and I haven't been able to think of a darned intelligent or amusing thing to say to y'all. So, it's been about oh, 4 months since I've posted anything. Life in these past four months has been HARD. But the Good News...and you noticed that is capitalized....the Good News is that God is good. It's a much-used cliche, I know. But, like most cliches, grounded in truth. Life is hard, but God is good.

So a run-down: John lost his job; Spencer is autistic; I'm having to work full-time (from home, but still full-time); I've been missing my Emily friend something awful these last couple of months; Becca and Braden have had some inexplicable rash for about 3 months now (it comes and goes and we can't figure out what the heck is causing it); Conner thinks he's about 13 but he's still just a very small 3 1/2 year old and for the life of me, I can't seem to get it through his head that he can't do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it -- "Oh, and can you please use a quiet voice, Conner, while you're NOT doing this, that, and that, too!" On top of everything else, the van broke down AGAIN. That's probably not everything, but for now, it's definitely enough. All in all, it adds up to enough to make any sane person CRAZY.

But these things I know are true: 1) God is bigger than each and every one of these problems. 2) What won't kill me will inevitably make me stronger (but can we give someone a clue that I don't necessarily want or think I need to be quite THIS strong -- puh-leese??!!). 3) God's faithfulness and provision are freaking amazing. And 4) Even though I may be complaining (Lord, please forgive me!), I know that in spite of it all, there is someone out there who is so much worse off than I am and so I should actually be on my knees right now, just giving praise to Him from whom all blessings flow. We are so very, very blessed. But I am also so very, very human and I'm just tired.

I started a Bible Study at church on Philippians. It's a very good study and I'm learning alot -- just about how to study the Bible in an in-depth kind of way. But the bottom line in Philippians is about finding JOY in God. What a great lesson that is...and that's why I decided to take the class overall. I need to find that place of JOY in this life again. To be able to wallow in it and drink it out of all the ordinary moments...not just the happy, happy ones. If Paul could find joy in life....even in the midst of being flogged and imprisoned, I certainly should be able to find joy in a life as blessed as mine.

For now, though I need to find balance. Balance between work and family. Balance between free time (what there is of it!) and God time. Balance in our finances. Balance in my mind -- to let go of the anxiety and the stress and come to that place of peace...the peace that begets the joy.

John and I have been also taking a marriage class through our church. It meets every Sunday morning and it's called Love and Respect. It's a Bible-based marriage series done by Emerson Eggerich (sp?). It's been eye-opening. In a society where we are taught about unconditional love, the Bible also demands from us -- commands us -- that respect is unconditional. Men are commanded to love their wives and women are commanded to respect their husbands. We aren't commanded to love because it's in our nature to love....men aren't commanded to respect because it's in their very nature. But we are to unconditionally respect our men. That just blew me away. Everything in my nature told me that respect was to be earned. So this has been a whole new concept for me to try to ingrain into my head and into my very essence. We women need to be loved in order to survive and flourish. Our men need to be respected in order to survive and flourish. The series also expands on the crazy cycle that couples often find themselves on: When a woman feels unloved, it causes her to react disrespectfully. When a man feels disrespected, it causes him to react in an unloving manner. Which only perpetuates the same behaviors....the crazy cycle. But it's amazing because now that we're aware of the existance of the crazy cycle, it seems easier somehow to jump off it.

So again, in my life right now, it all comes back to balance...breaking the crazy cycle in every area where I feel out of synch. And for as much as I hate scales (the bathroom kind), I love balance....I have always had an innate need for justice....and there is justice in balance. And balance, in my eyes, equates to peace. And peace in my soul is priceless. And if I'm peaceful, I'm much easier to love and it's much easier to love others if my soul is at peace.

I don't think that it's any coinky-dink that this verse in Acts 9:18 "...something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again." has been playing over and over in my head as I muddle through this post. There is a connection between the "scales" falling off of a person's eyes and being able to find balance in this life. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to keep your balance sometimes when your eyes are closed? The Lord's lessons sometimes seem complicated and convoluted -- if and when we're looking at them with scales on our eyes....just like this life we're muddling through. But the bottom line is normally really, really simple. Peace, joy and love....where is the only place we can ultimately find these simple, simple -- and very elusive -- pleasures?? Why, in Him, of course. Who is the ultimate judge and the ultimate purveyor of justice? Why, Him, of course. So, where should I turn, to find balance in my life and in my soul? Why, to Him, of course.

The problem, as usual, lies when I try to balance the scales in my own power. Because with me on one side of the scale -- in all my puny human-ness -- and Satan on the other, giggling gleefully as he throws everything all out of whack, I can't ever hope to bring things to an even keel. But if we turn to Him, like He yearns for us to do, then we can't help but find that justice -- that balance. With God on our side, Satan's blown right off the scale and God, in all His glory, can just breathe into our souls and there it is....all of the love, joy and peace we've been struggling to maintain....how could we find anything else in the arms of the Great I Am?

It's so funny....since I actually wrote down the verse about Paul and the scales falling from his eyes....I've had this inexplicable vision of some sort of a Philippians 4:13 superhero swooping in and saving the day just before the whole world is destroyed. Kind of like Bible Man and Wonder Woman all rolled into one....."Wonder-twin powers, activate!"